What is left to say?
by North of the North
Summary: Mathew could have fought back, prolonged the inevitable, and wrenched the door closed, but with that also came the possibility of jamming Ivan's hand in the door by accident. And that he couldn't do.


**What is Left to Say?-One shot**

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Mathew could have fought back, prolonged the inevitable, and wrench the door closed, but with that also came the possibility of jamming Ivan's hand in the door by accident. And that he couldn't do. Even if his ex was a little prone to violence himself, though to be fair Mathew had welcomed it at times in bed, Mathew personally did not condone hurting others if possible.

So, he let it be, and Ivan flung open the door to slide into the passenger seat beside him, clearly livid.

Mathew bit his bottom lip gently and and glanced down the street and around the parking lot, glad that most of the other nations had either one, cleared out fast to get to other places or two, had the common decency not too linger around and watch his embarrassment. Excepting Hungary, of course, with her trusty camera up and ready to film some "hot boy love," her also likewise trusty frying pan lying by her on the steps leading up to the nations meeting building everyone else plus him had just left.

Mathew sighed and turned to face Ivan, who was of course glaring at him. Dour gloom shadow hanging over him and all. He almost looked like he was fighting not to chomp Canada's head off.

"Oh dear…" Mathew whispered under his breath.

But, instead Ivan spit out the words he'd obviously been struggling to hold back. "Why the hell did you just break up with me?"

Mathew sighed. "Well this will sound cliché but it's nothing you did. I'm-" Mathew paused to consider his next words. These were emotionally treacherous grounds and he didn't want to hurt the large man beside him anymore than he'd already done. "I just need to take a break, for myself, right now. I just don't have the energy to devote myself to ensuring your happiness, which is my goal for any relationship. So, I need a break. Have some time to myself, as it were. A Gap Year for a 150 year old man. Uhm...if you know what I mean."

"Is this because of the bruises I gave you the last time we had sex?"

Mathew blushed. Hungary, he could see had moved just the slightest bit closer, a smirk crossing her features. How much of this was she listening to? Whispering, Mathew replied, "Uhm, no. I gave you permission for that, after all. I would have objected if I hadn't liked it."

Mathew drew in a slightly shuddering breath, and continued. "I've just been feeling lately that I'm not in the mood for a relationship…with anyone. And you really don't consider someone who feels like that. You need someone who isn't distracted and who is not going to half-ass anything in their efforts to stay by you and show you how much they love and care for you."

Ivan interrupted.

Oh well, Mathew had always known he had well-controlled ADHD, and therefore a bad filter on his thoughts. Rather blunt and honest, he`d always liked that about him.

`But you`d done that, and still do it. You`ve always looked at me like I`m your world, and I feel the same back. I need you, Mathew. You are my sunshine."

His glare had not lessened in its piercing intensity, but hey he always looked a bit angry, or sadistic seeming, or at least closed off, despite the opposite being true. Mathew's big ol' teddy bear. Well, not his anymore.

At least he was only just barely visibly controlling his breathing to calm himself. That was good. One step in the right direction…but perhaps not a green light yet. 'Proceed with caution.'

Mathew had to look away again. "I-"

And was cut off as Ivan grabbed him and pulled him into one of the kisses Mathew had thought lost to him forever. Drowning in the sensuous pleasure, and he was only a level 10 Dolphin certified swimmer. Feeling the passion Ivan was trying to convey and the light grip showing he was sorry for the domination at the same time, and a bit of frustration still too as Ivan was obviously struggling to find a way to convince him otherwise than his decision and didn't know what to do.

This was why he needed out now, before he treaded too close to the deep end.

As far as he saw it, Ivan loved too deeply and honestly, if you knew what to look for and what barriers to look past. He was just too perfect.

With too much of an effort, Mathew pulled back, taking a deep breath for air. For some reason, his lips tasted sweet. Had Ivan put on that flavoured lip balm he liked, just for him?

Ivan's gaze darkened as the tip of Mathew's tongue darted out to lick up the traces of that little bit of romance, his gaze very obviously fastened to the sight. Then that lavender hue, just a touch darker than Mathew's own raced up to connect with the blond's, and Ivan growled out in the exact tone of voice he knew Mathew loved, "I will have you be mine again. I love you, Matvey Williams."

Mathew, it is safe to admit, lost track of his senses-his heart racing as Ivan slammed the door behind himself and marched to his own vehicle as Mathew was left reaching up to run a trembling hand up to lightly touch his lips.

Oh. Right. Why was he giving this up?

It seemed that Hungary had gotten exactly the pictures that she wanted as she let out a high pitched giddy squeal and Mathew jumped before he found himself and turned his keys, shaking his head just a bit to drive home as a physical reminder his previous decision-his current one, dammit-as he reversed and drove out of the parking lot.

'Let's just see that big brute actually manage to convince me otherwise. Fuck, I'm doing this for his own good! Can't he see that?'

Now, Mathew Williams had greater willpower than he gave himself credit for, let alone others grabted he had.

Or, at least that's what he hoped was true because in that moment he really didn't want to be driving home alone. He wanted to be with Ivan, in his car, on the way to their shared home, and most of all, their shared bed.

But, he'd thought ahead and that was why he had locked his phone in the trunk; so he couldn't call the larger Russian begging him for forgiveness and to forget all about it and 'please could they both go to their home together?'

Because, really, he couldn't do that. He could not. Not now that he had recognized he was becoming addicted to the other man's touch.

Everything may be all fine and dandy for Finland and Sweden to be in a nice, sweet long-term relationship…but it just wouldn't work for the two largest Nations in the world, him and Ivan. That, Mathew knew without a doubt.

How could it work when every time they saw each other everything always became so physical?

So, that was that.

No…more.

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 **HUGS and WUVS sweets!**

 **Please please please review, it makes me really happy :D**

 **Have a great day lovelies~**

 **North of the North**


End file.
